F You, F2

We are decorating the front room/or lounge/or reception room, depending on how posh you are.
Actually, Reggie is decorating - with my helpful advice, input and direction.

He is not always very appreciative of my vast wisdom/suggestions/questions.
He didn't praise my eagle-eye that spotted that the first two "drops" of the wallpaper were one shade - then the next "drop" was a different shade.
It was not a design feature.
It was Not Supposed To Look Like That.

I had come down from my office to do my stand-by-the-door-and-offer-praise-say-wow-a-lot-and-lear-at-his-ass-a-bit etc etc.... but all I could see was:

Two Different Shades of wallpaper.
Side by side.
Glaring at me from their pasted position on the wall.
Stuck there to taunt me and remind me that I'm a front room kind of a girl and may as well dig out that pot shire-horse that I used to own (moi? not really of course.... honest.... as if....) and display it on my stone hearth next to my ill-matched walls...

Reggie had worked til midnight the previous night so I stood and deliberated long and hard as to whether or not to mention it. I pondered for a at least 7 seconds before tactfully announcing:

"Shit, babe, they're two different colours. Shit. Oh Shit..." then adding, "and you've hung them so beautifully too...."

So, then we checked the batch numbers on the roll.
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
I do KNOW NOW that it's what you do when buying wallpaper.
I do KNOW NOW that I was the Only Person in the entire universe stupid enough to not check the batch numbers blah blah BLAH
Who is responsible for not telling me this type of stuff that everyone else knows?
I want to know.... there could be other stuff that I'm walking around unaware of.

Anyhow, we set off to try find some more in the same F2 batch.
(Funny how F2 starts to sound like F You)

To cut a long and fascinating story short - F2 doesn't exist anymore.
Not anywhere. In any of the stores in Leeds anyway

(No lie, in EVERY shop today, including supermarket checkout, no joke, shop-ladies said to Reg: "Oooh aren't you tall?" or "What did your Mum feed you?"
Or, to me, "Goodness, he's a biggun!" "Don't you get neck ache?"
Or, my personal favourite: "Do you play baseball?" when they actually mean basketball... that one actually does make me smile - or snort if I catch Reggie's eye, as he's always too polite to point it out to them and patiently explains he "used to".

Anyway, by this time I HATED the wallpaper. Never ever want to see that wallpaper again.

So, anyway, if you are still even reading this fascinating article....

We bought a New Wallpaper.
From a fancy la-di-da-type shop.
And it was half-price!
And it is much nicer than that old bitch of a pattern...
And all rolls are from the SAME litter.
No in-breeding in my reception room.