Wife wanted

I have realised what it is that I need in my life.
And it's a wife.
I can totally understand how fantabulous it would be to have one.

A gorgeous babe who does the shopping and cooks the food.
She would remember on what day which child goes where and with what.
She would re-cycle our household waste properly and NEVER sneakily stuff the odd leaflet in the other bin as the paperbox wouldn't be overspilling...

She would keep up the glass re-cycling so I don't ever have to face the reality that the wine bottles far out-number the other empties....
(am trying to name other glass items we re-cycle.... eerrrrm jam jars.... yes, that's what takes up all the goddamn room )

She would congratulate me on completing a week at work.
Listen sympathetically to how unfair it was that I was robbed of promotion/payrise/the last salad sandwich on granary with no mayo.

All these years I have been a feminist
(and yes, a feminist is allowed to own a pair of Jimmy Choos and be held together by Touche Eclait and Beauty Flash Balm)

But I see it all so clearly now.... the men were right all along.

I would like a wife too please, what a marvelous idea.

Marry me?
No?

God, you are so mean internetsuperwebhighway....
then at least leave me a comment - a wife would.